Introduction to Kipluck

Hmmm... yeah those new sleep meds NOOOT kicking in yet. THEREFORE...

I AM KIPLUCK, HERE ME ROAR! (and whine)

1. Age: A wee girl of 27
   
2. Height: 5' 3.5" but we'll call it Five FOUR.
   
3. Weight Today (or the last time you weighed): 226.4 lbs. Bleh.
   
4. How much you'd like to lose (no timeframes please): Ummm... 76 pounds No, wait, 76.4 lbs. (at least... ideally, 96.4 lbs.)
   
5. Your plan: Is the Plan, well, what you plan to succeed? Like what you are shooting for? Or is it the goals to get you there? The diet plan you use? What exercise you are doing? I will put, well, BOTH... but which DO you mean, chica? WHAT I WANT: To be healthy. Not counting on THIN, just healthier. Ideally, 150 lbs. even though BMI says 130. The ability to breath normal when I run upstairs for the phone. To feel better about myself and lessen dose of Celexa. To control my diabetes without, or with significantly less, medications. To wear a cute shirt from a web comic and not pay 2 bucks extra for a bigger size, just to have it too snug after all. To sleep from around midnight till 7, rather than from 5 am till 3 pm. To not cringe when I see a picture of myself. HOW I AM GETTING THERE: Diet: Diabtetic diet as set up by my dietition in regards to Carbs as that sort of has to be my MAIN focus, but with Weight Watchers knowledge helping with the fat and calorie stuff. Incidently, I am no longer paying for WW because I decided the tools at FitDay were just as good... and FREE. Exercise: Water Aerobics(3+ days/week at Wellness Center), Talk-Walking(4 days/week in neighborhood) Prayer: Because I think that even with all that it will still take some severe form of Divine intervetion to actually become even half-way healthy. Philipians 4:13, right?
   
6. What's been holding you back so far: So many things! (I am the queen of excuses I tell you!) Laziness and chronic illness; fondness for chocolate, breads, popcorn, and the internet; knee pain; a(n) (un)healthy dose of denial.
   
   
   ACTUALLY, I was thinking about this in the 3rd doctor's office today and I decided the biggest thing is fear of hoplessness. I am so scared that if I do everything I should, it still won't work. And if I am doing everything right and am still sick and fat, well there is no way to go but down (in health... not weight). At least when I am NOT doing all I should there is the possibility that I could. I know it's screwy. And backwards. And stupid. But there it is. I am afraid it is hopeless... and really REALLY trying is only a means to PROVE that. That fear has recently been creeping into every aspect of my life. I am scared for school to start in case I can't hack it. I am scared to apply to jobs in case I don't get them. ETCETERA, Like I said, it's a crap philosophy and I know it... but it is anchored pretty firmly in my head and heart today. So there you have it. My Intro... a bummer.