As Garrett's first birthday comes around, Todd and I have been talking a lot about baby #3. He really wants to have another one. I'm freaked out by the thought of having 3 kids under the age of 3. But my biggest concern is my weight. The last time I weighed this much, I was pregnant. I'm still almost 20 pounds heaver that I was when I got pregnant with the boys.
I broke down to Todd yesterday. Pretty much melted. As much as I want to complete our family and please my husband... I can't do it right now. I told him about the pressure that I was feeling from him. Being pregnant when you're overweight is HARD. Yes, I've had two c-sections, but delivery is hard, too. The epidural and spinal block hurt to begin with. Combine that with being so fat that they can't even tell where they're putting the needle and have to keep trying for thirty minutes and it's hell.
With my last pregnancy, my blood pressure kept climbing. All my labs came back negative for pre-eclampsia, but they couldn't get my blood pressure down. They ended up taking Garrett over 2 weeks early.
I can't do it again.
But then comes the spacing issue. Saying that our boys are close, is an understatement. We will probably only be able to have one more because of the c-section issue. If we wait until I lose ALL the weight I want to lose, #3 could be three years (maybe more) younger than Garrett. I know that's not a huge gap, but it seems big to me.
I'm really torn. I have no idea what to do. I totally hate myself right now.
2 comments:
Oh, Katie, I'm so sorry! I know how much it sucks to be big and pregnant, although I did get to miss out on the C-section part of things. And spacing kids farther apart is a tough choice -- I have an only child and so does hubby. We don't want another "only" child, but I can't be pregnant again any time soon either. So I totally get how you're feeling, even if I have no words of advice to give. HUGS!!!
3 years really isn't that big of a gap. If it helps, the sibling just older than me is 3 years older and we are extremely close. I'm a firm believer in you doing things for YOU not because you feel outside pressure to do so.
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