Not doing so awesome, but some people are!

1. My diabetes counselor has me on new meds and a new diet.  It should help me lose weight, being on less insulin.  But with my diet being what it is (only broth doesn't hurt), my body is not really on a healthy path.  Basically I am starving myself, though I don't feel like it, so I am not losing even though I eat very few calories.  The thing is, SOMEHOW I have to find something I can eat that is 1. healthy 2. does not cause me a lot of pain.  My diabetes is out of control, and I haven't lost weight in over a year.  And this Gastroparesis is just killing me.  I am on a ton of supplements to make up for my crappy diet.  But it is NOT a good substitute for eating good, normal food.

2. If any of you watch The Biggest Loser, watch next week!  My cousin LeAnn and her awesome Vance are going to be "the white team."  They look so good right now!  We talked to them a little bit about it at the last family party.  CONGRATULATIONS to them!

Go White Team! (Sorry I don't watch the show, I WILL next week!)

No Ill Effects!

This is my only contribution. Yeah. Yesterday I spent 45 minutes (while I was sick, getting sicker, and having a panic attack in a Jacuzzi) listening while a guy told me all about why I should get Gastric Bypass. Trust me. I have thought about it. But I will be honest, 1. I think that with my health I could die during surgery 2. you have to lose 10 pounds as a show of "good faith" that you will be careful before ever starting...

IF I COULD LOSE THE 10 POUNDS WHY DO YOU THINK I WOULD BE CONSIDERING THIS DRASTIC OF AN OPTION?!

If I could lose the 10, why not go on to 20? Then 30? Then 40?

Anyway, feeling a bit discouraged as the Diabetic Dietitian's diet is leaving me tired and sick all the time right now but nothing to show for it besides slightly better A1C. They all promise "oh, if you stick to it, you WILL lose." Not as yet.

Tape Worms anyone? No diets! No... Baths? Huh?

getting classy

I started actual weight loss classes at the Wellness Center. I decided I needed more ACCOUNTABILITY than just blogging. But it's not going that great right now. My other issues... pain and such... are not making it easy. I exercise, but not enough before the hurting gets so bad I have to stop.

I am on new meds... hopefully things will change. But I really really want to and NEED to lose weight. Be healthier. Get this dumb Diabetes under control and make sure my obesity isn't CONTRIBUTING to my many medical mysteries.

Anyway, this is a lame post, more of just checking in.

My Chemicals... No Romance

Today I met my new Diabetes Doc... AND my new Dietitian... and some other diabetes person whose title I am not sure of. Anyway, I like ALL of them better than NYB. Too bad I am not DONE with her, because she is an endocrinologist and I still have more chemicals swirling around in me all confused than insulin, sucrose, creatinine. BUT at least she won't be in charge of the Diabetes aspect and she won't give me dumb advice like "stop eating candy." (GEE. Ya Think?).

Anyway, I am going to be doing things MUCH more officially now. I'm keeping a food log, and testing my dumb blood a lot more often which ALL sucks... but at least I feel better about my doctors for a change. I wish I could KEEP them past November... I may anyway. Even if I have to self pay. I hate my doctors so much. I hate this insurance stuff.

It wasn't so great, though, to have pointed out how MANY of my meds cause WEIGHT GAIN. I may not be gaining... but it sure makes it frustrating when I have been trying so hard to LOSE!

Can I have a side of contrition with that, please?

So, I went bought fast food today because, frankly, my sugars suck when I am good AND when I am bad. It's been that way lately. So, yeah I went to KFC and had ordered when they asked me, "Would you like to donate a dollar to help the treatment of Diabetes?"

I wanted to say "Did I not just spend 5 dollars that said the CONTRARY?!" but said yes... then drove a mile before throwing away my cheese curds and removing the skin on my chicken before I could change my mind.

The only thing more ironic would have been if they had asked me to donate to help stop Obesity, but this was pretty close.

Who's Favorite Dessert Looks Like THAT?!

When I went to the doctor the other day it was the Endocrinologist in the same office as my Neurologist. Dr. Princess is (or rather WAS) my Endo and was the one who ordered the MRI I just had. However, he quit. He left his practice to Dr. NYB. She didn't fluff her hair like Princess or anything that stupid... but she also didn't want to look at the MRI (which was expensive!). At all.

She said to take it to some other doctor. Because of the Lesions and stuff we WILL take it to the Neurologist but the reason to have it NOW instead of in a few months when the neurologist wanted it was to check my pituitary for THIS doctor. Grrr. ANYWAY, all she talked about was my Diabetes and losing weight.

Both of these things ARE big issues in my life, OBVIOUSLY. I am going to have to go on insulin, like needles, which I am just sick over. Stuff like that. But the thing about the weight loss that fully was pissing me off was this new doc's assumption (because she does not KNOW me at ALL) about my diet and acting as if the IDEA OF LOSING WEIGHT might NEVER have occurred to me.



Like, SHOCKER, you mean *I* am overweight? I had NO CLUE! And then her ideas.

"You know what you can do? Stop eating candy. Oh, or maybe switch to diet soda?"

She honestly said that. Yes, like I eat CANDY on a regular basis.

And I haven't bought full-sugar Coke in YEARS, and that was long before I was diagnosed diabetic. GOOD GORDON. I am FAT, not a moron.

She recommended I walk 15 minutes a day. I walk at least half an hour a day. At least a mile most days. I also do 45 minutes of water aerobics.

Basically the visit was very frustrating (especially since it was , oh, 10 minutes after reading my break up email with Fresno. BLEH. MAJORLY emotional.). HOWEVER, the one thing she said that was different enough that I may heed is going back to Weight Watchers. Like MEETINGS... the whole shebang.

I actually had pretty good success with Weight Watchers years ago (pre-mission). I just didn't think it would be that helpful now that I have to count carbs too with the glucometer and such. But I DO think it might help. Ans so, well, I might just try it. Because, well, structure is a good thing.

HOWEVER, related to the Weight Watchers thing, well, THIS is HILARIOUS. It's like an edible Threadbared. So freaking funny. And GROSS!

Because if you don't laugh you cry.

A lot.

Thanks Mika! (And Bobbie, too!)

Okay, my friend, Bobbie, was blogging about Beauty and Weight. They are not mutually exclusive after all. There ARE beautiful big people. WE, of all people, should know this! *flips hair seductively* Okay, kidding aside, we know that we can be pretty and still big. And that even at our ideal weights we will not be shaped like models. Because that wouldn't be healthy for us even!

But we also know where that weight is that IS healthy. "Find Your Slim." What company has that as their slogan right now? Is it Weight Watchers? No, they are "be an after" or something. I think it's Slim Fast. Anyway, it's a good one. And we know we aren't there or we wouldn't be HERE. Sometimes when discouragement takes over we get skewed on that level. But most of the time, we know what our REALISTIC goals should be, regardless of what fashion magazines (or even, sometimes, the BMI) tell us.

Anyway, yeah. So this song is a good'n. I totally bought the CD it's on, too... Life in Cartoon Motion.

Anyway, other than listening to Mika (which makes you dance which is good exercise, so Hey! Bonus!), there are a lot of things right now that have me thinking about my health. Mostly, unfortunately, my diabetes. It's bad. I am eating smart, but it's still bad. The thing, besides upping all kinds of meds, that I need to do a LOT more is exercise. Not just for weight loss, either. Even if I don't LOSE weight exercise helps your body accept insulin. Obviously, much easier said than done. But for right right now, for instance, I am off to walk the pups.

So Glad we have better sugar-free stuff... but, MIND-STICKER? Awesome!

So, I have just been thinking about things I should do (Conference does that to you), and not just religion-wise. Because this weekend I am sick and, guess what, THAT makes your sugar spike, too, even when you aren't EATING carbs. So at present, I am back on insulin injections, which I HATE. So I am needing some health and hilarity today.



Okay so, this week, I WILL:
*Wear my Pedometer at work
*Go to the pool every day I DON'T work. (Other than, you know, when it's closed.)
*Have a water bottle with me at all times. (If I HAVE it, I drink it.)

P.S. I clearly got bored after adding SparkPeople to the links list and upgrading. And went a little crazy. CC, you're the pro here. I was just messing around and I really won't feel bad if you undo stuff and cute-ify.

Friends Help Me Feel Better (real ones... not the show)

Every Silver Lining has a Big Fat Ugly Cloud. Such is the case with the steroid injections used in my nerve blocker. I LOVE not having the constant headache from hell, but the 2 main side effects? 1. Weight gain 2. Significant rise in blood glucose levels. So that part has been making me feel pretty crappy lately. And with depression and stuff... yeah. Bleh. Also, I think some of it has just been the sort of letdown AFTER the fun stuff of the weekend. HOWEVER, I am not saying things are going to be perfect tomorrow (but as FlyLady is saying this year "Progress, NOT Perfection") but after simultaneous pep talkage from CC (via IM) AND Fresno (via phone), well, I am feeling better. THEREFORE, my new resolve includes the following...

I will work out at the pool tomorrow (Thursday) unless I have an interview that conflicts but nothing else is important enough to conflict.
I will work out at the pool Friday.
I will walk on Saturday.
I will take my meds and get a doctor's appointment with my general practitioner, Dr. HasaPsychoWife to get meds adjusted and changed and such.
Also, this may sound insane, but I have decided to try a zeolite. Yes, I think I know what I am doing. I am getting it from my friend Granola, and I have heard good things from her, her mom, and my aunt.

And mostly, tomorrow I plan on eating smart, taking my pills (I didn't today), and exercising. THE BASICS. Yeah.